Oh, apartments. Being a freshman that got to skip out on the luxury of dorm life, many of my friends have deemed me "lucky" and point out the many flaws that living on campus poses. While I'm grateful that I have my own room and bathroom, before you jump into the idea of an apartment like I did.. do your research. My roommates and I have decided that the apartment we live in now is either possessed by demons or was severely neglected by a pack of wild, cavemen-like college dropouts. My personal opinion is that it was a combination of the two - misery loves company.. (yes, I did leave it up to you to decide if the "misery" is the demons or the cavemen.. ahahahaha)
Our laundry room in general is a place of pure evil. Everything within this small room at one point has caused us some type of inconvenience or fear for our life. Let's start with the obvious - the washer and dryer. Personally out of the two I have to give the washer more points for being annoying as hell than the dryer; ever seen a washing machine dance? No? I have. For whatever reason our washer occasionally goes into freak mode and begins rocking from side to side like a demonic hip hop dancer (ever heard DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again by Usher? Just picture a washer trying to hit up that "side to side, side to side" bit). The last time it happened I rushed into the laundry room and threw my massive frame towards it as it flailed about, almost tossing me off like a mechanical bull.
Needless to say I successfully ended its tantrum and came out with very few physical injuries - must be that massive frame I mentioned earlier. The dryer on the other hand likes to make weird noises that sound as if a can of pennies are being tossed around inside; however, when you take a look there is clearly nothing but clothes being gently fluffed. Alongside the mechanical issues this room presents, we also have a nice hoard of rats/mice/whatever the correct term is for the rodents that ate my damn bagels is (yeah, try waking up all excited for a bagel with strawberry cream cheese only to find a neat little hole nibbled into the bag with a half-eaten bagel and little turds scattered inside). Although I admit that we have had very few issues with the mouse as opposed to our neighbors (who have now caught a total of six rodents), this one incident was enough to drive me up the wall since our laundry room doubles as a pantry.. and my food is on the lowest shelf.
My roommate called maintenance - I did a small prayer asking that the man who shows up wouldn't be the one who hates me (you know, the guy that had to fix my closet door twice, the vent in my bathroom, the kitchen light, the wall socket, etc.). The doorbell rings. I hesitantly open it..
Maintenance guy: *thick accent* Oh no.. you..
Me: Yeah, it's me again.. heh heh..
Maintenance guy: So, you be having problem with the vrats, eh?
Me: Yeah, it ate my bagel!
Maintenance guy: Oh, too bad.. *evil chuckle*
Me: *glare*
Maintenance guy: Vell, we vill put down traps to try and catch him. Then you cook for me, yes?
Me: ..I do what now?
Maintenance guy: The vrat! When trap traps him, you cook up the meat for me!
Me: Sorry, I'm a vegetarian. Heh.
Maintenance guy: Vhat? Vhy in the vorld vould you do zat?
Me: Because I love animals!
Maintenance guy: Oh, funny weird girl.. hahaha..
Me: So, can you use snap traps to get the rat?
Maintenance guy: Oh no! Sticky traps are zee best. You see, when zee vrat goes to get zee food, his vwittle paws get stuck inside zee sticky glue! Best trap!
Me: But they're not nice! The rat will suffer!
Maintenance guy: Is just a vrat..
So of course he used the sticky traps. Don't tell anyone, but I'm secretly rooting for the mouse.. (yes, regardless of the fact that it feasted off of my breakfast). So far the sticky traps (three in the laundry room total) have not caught a single thing. Karma is a bitch, maintenance guy.
Our next major issue are the elephants upstairs that seem to think they should romp and play about like a bunch of brainless idiots every single night. Even this week, the last week of finals, they were stomping around at strange times like 4 in the morning with seemingly endless energy. Being someone who hates confrontation, my method of dealing with this issue is very simple and is probably carried out by thousands of old ladies each day - a broom. Simple as that. If they're making thumping sounds on our ceiling I'll return the favor on their floor. A few hard whacks with the end of a broom usually does the trick, but not always, of course.
During one instance at about two in the morning my roommates and I were all doing school-related things - studying, some homework, catching up on textbook reading, etc., when the noise upstairs became unbearable. Why in the world did the people above us keep making that rhythmic, extremely loud thud? One of my roommates was pissed off enough to find out for herself. All four of us made our way outside and upstairs to the 2nd floor (me following meekly in the background, of course) and watched as our roommate banged on their door in fury. And what appeared when the door opened? Well, I'll be good and try to say this as nicely as possible.. a caveman. Yes, I realize I talked of cavemen earlier in this post, but never had I met one until I came to college. A very large man with dark hair on his head and face with a very dumbstruck expression. Like I said, a caveman.
Caveman: *gruffly* What?
Erin: Um, hey, we're trying to study and couldn't help but notice you guys were being really loud.
Caveman: What do you mean?
Erin: Well, we've been hearing a ton of thumping noises for a while..
Caveman: Oh, that's just us thawing out a turkey leg.
Erin: Uhh.. what?
Caveman: The turkey leg... we need to cook it but it isn't defrosted. So we're hitting it against the counter. It shouldn't take too much longer.
Erin: Okay, thanks..
Why yes, he did say they were thawing a turkey leg by beating the thing against their kitchen counter. Why not set it out a few hours earlier? Pssh, that would be logical and no fun, of course! Haven't YOU always wanted to get your frustration out by beating a big piece of meat? Ahaha..
While there are several other things I could continue to rant about, I'm going to let all of this information sink in and after a few more posts I'll continue with Part 2. Like I said, always do your research when looking at places to live.. if the reviews on apartmentratings.com STRONGLY bash the place you want to live, heed their warnings. I know I will from now on..
Yay for listening to the #1 SUPER FAN!!!! This was hilarious, i don't even know what my favorite part was! It's between the rat issue and the washer and your "massive frame"...haha yeah right... :P
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